Mr. Gove meets Dr. Freud

20 Apr 2016 at 10:22

The Brexit campaign is getting more bizarre by the day. It is as if the Brextards are living in a parallel universe or bewitched by some mass hallucination. They just ignore the evidence rather than try and counter it. The Treasury produced a 200 page warning that to leave the EU would lead to a reduction in growth. ‘Disgusting…….misleading……biased…..flawed model.’ Ok, but the LSE, IFS, IMF, PWc and the Bank of England come to a similar conclusion. ‘Rubbish’. All the finance ministers of the G20 and every world leader with the exception of Putin warn that there would be dire economic consequences. ‘A conspiracy, they are all in it together’. And as for President Obama? Well, he is a ‘hypocrite’. The CBI and small businesses have warned that there will be job losses. ’That’s not representative of businesses’. So we produce a survey showing that 80% of businesses large and small are against Brexit. ‘Not what they really think’. The NFU warn that farm incomes would plummet. ’That’s not case’. The financial services industry have warned of serious consequences. ‘They would wouldn’t they?………and you can’t trust the banks.’ This list is not exhaustive. But there is a pattern of the Brextards just putting their fingers in their ears and singing la la la la every time an unfavourable piece of evidence is presented.

“Now Mr Gove plees make vourself comfortable on mein couch”.
“Yes, Dr Freud”.
“Now tell me about this giant pink bunny that appears before you”.
" It’s terrible. It’s enormous. It has yellow fangs, horribly sharp claws and tries to eat me. It’s called Juncker. Oh, God it’s here now. Arrgh! Get off you bastard".
“Calm down Mr. Gove there zer is no bunny in zis woom, just you and me”.
“Arrgh, it’s coming for me now. Those fangs, those claws. Help me!!!!!!!!!!”
" Look into mein eyes Mr. Gove. You are sooooo sleepy, sloooo sleepy. When I click mein fingers you will awake and never see zis pink bunny again. Click. Now Mr Gove what do you see now?"
“Arrgh, fuck off you bastard. Oh, God now it’s going for my bollocks”.
“I am so sorry Mr. Gove your delusion is more serious than I thought. I will refer you to one of mein colleagues in Bosnia”.

“Today on Daily politics I have Boris Johnson who yesterday made a speech saying that the world is flat”.
“Only two weeks ago you made a speech saying that the world is round. How do you explain these two contradictory views?”
“Piffle upon waffle, skullduggerydook, BBC bias. No point of being in the bloody circus if you can’t ride two horses at once”.
“But NASA scientists assure us that all the evidence the the world is actually round.”
“Typical American boffindoodledo. Totally out of touch with reality. And this has nothing, repeat, nothing to do with these leftie, commie lies about my quest for flat world domination. Further I did not have sex with that woman. Er, well um, not for a while anyway. Cripes, perhaps yesterday. Why are you asking me all these personal questions? Typical of the British Bolchevic Company. Biased bastards, BBcrookery”.

“This morning on Marr we have Mr Peter Bone a life long creationist who sincerely believes that the earth is a mere four thousand years old. Mr. Bone what evidence do yo have of this?”
“You must be joking. It’s in the bible. It’s common sense. Those fossils of so called dinosaurs millions of year old are fakes put there by the posh, private school elite who don’t give a damn about the horny handed sons of the soil. My constituents agree with me. Not a day goes by without an old lady coming to me in tears saying she can’t take any more of these people telling her that God didn’t make the earth in six days and bunked off for a pint with that nice Mr.Farage down the dog and duck. Anyhow I’m speaking to God all the time. Lovely fellow. Very English”.

“And finally, Nadine Dorries, when did you say that you were abducted by aliens?…………”

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