David Miliband is a gutless little political prick teaser. His day has gone. Time for him to shut up

3 Aug 2015 at 14:49

God, David Miliband is an annoying little political prick teaser. Totally gutless, incapable of risk taking, and is desperate be be asked by the Blairites to come and save the Labour Party when Corbyn is defenestrated in 2018. Well, not even the International Rescue Committee can save Labour from itself. Oh David, if you hadn’t been so up your own privileged arse, treated your backbenchers like under keepers and stood up for what you believed in you might have just scraped a Labour victory. But what did you and what do you believe in? But the the Miliband era has gone. Firstly, you haven’t the courage to fight a by election and even if you did there is no guarantee that you would be selected. Which bed blocker is going to give up his seat on the distant prospect of a Miliband peerage? So either put up or shut up. All this coded nonsense will get you nowhere. At least Chris Leslie has had the cojones to reveal that Voodoo Corbynomics will actually harm the poor and vulnerable. Mmmm. Now Leslie is a name to conjure with for the future. None of the leadership contenders put their heads above that parapet with the exception of plucky Liz Kendall. But because she oozes common sense and electability, for now she is a humiliated. So who will lead the resistance? Burnham will probably want to be Shadow Chancellor in the hope that a number 11 bus or a seriously infectious disease is just round the corner. It doesn’t matter that his arithmetic is not very good. Neither was Ken Clarke’s. But if Burnham accepts the Miliband shilling he will be regarded as a Quisling. Of course, he will.

But the Corbyn backstory is something that could win him Miss World, Britain’s got talent and I’m a celebrity. His parents met as peace campaigners in the Spanish Civil War. He never went to Oxbridge, nor was he a SPAD. Yes, he did work for the unions, but as an organiser. He claims the lowest expenses of any MP, rides a bike and is a tee total vegetarian. Now listen to the next bit. In 2013 he was awarded the Gandhi International Peace Award for ‘upholding the Gandhian values of social justice’. Blimey, the man seems to have no redeeming defects.

If Ed Miliband had a bit of a grope and a no tongues snog with the SNP, a Corbyn Labour Party will be swinging from the chandeliers with them. And not a condom in sight. Yet as the Tories have only a majority of twelve and at the mercy of death, trouser fallings and General twattery, it could be that Great Britain would be the one who is unprotected. Do not right off Corbyn as someone who is destined to fail. In the normal laws of politics he would be an unmitigated disaster. But the laws are being rewritten. Quite honestly, you might as well sacrifice a chicken and examine its entrails for the answer.

Being deputy Labour Leader is not usually worth a bucket of warm spit. It’s just a ridiculous title with no power and little influence. Come September it may be worth having. If, as looks increasingly possible, Caroline Flint is elected, she will be the true voice of the PLP. Power and responsibility. And for once, she would not be there as mere window dressing, but as a front passenger on a white knuckled ride on the Corbyn roller coaster. But to where?