Why is it that Tory backbenchers can be led to slaughter but never made to think?

If I was Michael Gove, the Chief Whip, I would summon four people to my office on Monday morning. Jacob Rees Mogg, Adam Afriyie, Andrew Brigden and Jackie Doyle Price. The first three I would accuse of craven, snivelling cowardice and rip them each a new arsehole for their crass stupidity and total disloyalty. I would then give them a stark choice. Either drop this damaging lunacy or fuck off to UKIP and expect extermination at the general election. Discipline has to be restored and Gove is the man to do it. Of course, they will squeal and moan to the press about how hard done by they are and that nobody listens to them. But there is a damn good reason for that. They have divided the Tory right and are destroying any chance of a Tory victory.

And Jackie? I would go down on one knee, shake her by the hand and thank her for her courage and common sense. I would also make sure that somehow she was rewarded. Jackie is a feisty little fighter. She has a majority of just 92 and her seat of Thurrock is a breeding ground for the Kippers. Does she moan? Does she panic? Does she want to do a deal with these ghastly people. No bloody fear. She fights them. She takes them head on. And if there is any justice in this world she will win. In politics the easy option is rarely the best. Do Mogg, (maj 3,000) Brigden (maj 7,500) or Afriyie (maj 19,000) give a toss about her? Of course not. If she’ll have me I would be proud to campaign for her as I spent my formative years in Grays. And I like a fighter.

Let’s look at the mechanics of all of this. At the next election UKIP will probably poll about 10%. They will not win Clacton and may not have a single seat. Two cabinet posts? Farage as DPM? It is politically illiterate.

And then what would be the deal? Farage, would get to nominate who the leader of the Tory Party will be, or rather who it won’t be. He will demand a referendum before the election and further demand that the Conservative Party campaign for an exit. Considering the opinion polls consistently show that the EU doesn’t appear within the top ten of people’s concerns this borders on the Psychotic.

Mogg, Afriyie, and Brigden are not stupid men. Far from it. And personally I like them. But judging form this recent act of self immolation in calling for a deal with UKIP and offering Farage two cabinet seats they are in need of medication and put into a place of safety. The kippers are not part of the Tory family and never have been. They make the Adams family look remarkably normal. Just because a number of Conservatives have crossed over to the dark side it doesn’t mean we want to welcome them back on their terms. Conservatism is about tolerance and fair play. UKIP is BNP lite mood music. It is loud and deeply unpleasant. And resonates with the sort of people I wouldn’t particularly want as next door neighbours.

Ken Clarke once said that the reason the Tories kept losing elections was because they were obsessed with placating 30% of the electorate. Now some want to narrow this to 10%. It is almost beyond belief.

There are two winners here. Miliband and Farage. Farage wants him to win so the Tory party is split and the right join his happy little dysfunctional family. He wants to destroy the Conservative Party. We mustn’t help him.

Why is it that Tory backbenchers can be led to slaughter but never made to think?