Moggites and Momentum have a lot in common. The deselection of a decent man like Frank Field is just the beginning

29 Jul 2018 at 11:06

I have known Frank Field since my election in 1983. I sat on his select committee and I regard him as a friend and one of the most decent and honourable people who have ever set foot in the House of Commons. He has done more for the underprivileged and the vulnerable than anyone of our generation. He leaked a report, well before he was an MP, when he was chairman of the Child Poverty Action Group which showed the duplicity of the the Callaghan government over the treatment of benefit claimants. He has been fearless in the Commons in attacking the rich and powerful over their ransacking of pension funds. He has been fighting the cancer of militant tendency in his constituency at a time before most starry eyed Corbynistas were born. And now Militant tendency have won. They have control of the levers of power of the Labour Party. They are now called Momentum and they have finally deselected Frank and will replace him with one of their own. This is a terrible day for democracy and the final death knell for Labour as a party that can be trusted to govern fairly and equally.

It goes without saying that I totally disagree with Frank over the EU. For one so intelligent, so experienced and sensible I have never quite understood why he has held these long held beliefs. But I respect him and I respect his right to hold them and act on them. Representative democracy is the bedrock of our Parliamentary system. Yet it is being murdered by stealth.

Moggites and Momentum have much in common when it comes to the power of the ‘people’. Moggites claim that the people have spoken in a referendum and that is the end of the matter. There is no room for argument or compromise. Their will must be done, but not by anyone who is not a true believer. Never mind if the electorate’s instructions are opaque and not to worry if it will do untold damage to the economy. Any dissent is anti democratic. Only the true guardians of the holy flame can be trusted and everyone else are mere supplicants to Brussels, traitors, mutineers, enemies of the people. Any MP who fails to do the bidding of their constituents and their party bosses must be purified or be cast out the party. The Electoral Commission declared that agents of Vote Leave acted illegally during the referendum. The have been fined both individually and collectively. Some are being referred to the police. They claim that this was a stitch up by a biased commission. In the alternative they say that if it wasn’t it doesn’t really matter. The money that was abused wouldn’t have made any difference to the overall result. And anyway, it was a mere drop in the ocean compared to the vast influence of the EU. This is the little people standing up to the self interested elite.

For Momentum it is only slightly different. Labour MPs are merely the delegates of the thousands of new members. The many controlled by the few. They will have no say in the manifesto. They will be given their orders and obey them. Anything less is treachery and will be rewarded by deselection courts where you can see the kangaroos jumping. Websites and trolls pour out fake news and abuse and threaten anyone who is not a true believer. And if they happen to be Jewish heaven help them. After all, it was the Jews who started all this smearing of Corbyn who is doing his level best to rid the party of anti semitism. And even in the unlikely event that it does exist, it is only a tiny minority. What on earth is the matter with the Jews? It’s time for them to start building bridges.

Both Moggites and Momentum are destroying our democracy, don’t give a damn about tolerance and have promised their supporters through deception and guile, that on the one hand Brexit will lead to a land of opportunity and prosperity and on the other that the overthrow of capitalism not only is within their grasp but will radically improve our lives.

Both are dangerous fantasies the full horror of which the public has not yet clocked. The great irony is that the Moggites are threatened with the prospect of a Labour government. In many ways it is what they want. It will achieve Brexit because that what’s what Momentum wants. And it will lead to a new Tory Party made in the Moggite image.

Imagine a Parliament with two extreme parties where the moderates have been squeezed out and a Liberal Democrat Party who should not be allowed out without a carer. I have never been so worried about the safety and prosperity of our country. And yet nobody shows courage and leadership. There will be social unrest and it troubles me deeply.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Javid has foolishly listened to his inner Daily Mail. The worst fate for the Jihadis would be a lifetime in an Alabama jail. To give them martyrdom will be a recruiting sergeant for the terrorist

24 Jul 2018 at 10:48

I would shed no tears if the two formerly British Jihadis who have wickedly wallowed in the obscenity of mindless murder were blown off the face of the earth, their ashes ground into dust and their souls cast into the pit of despair for eternity. I would have no qualms if they were shot by firing squads in Syria, perished in the heat of battle or died a painful death at the hands of the torturer.

But these are my gut and animal instincts born out of outrage and anger at the misery and horror that these two mutations of humanity took such joy. As someone who believes that the rule of law and due process is the cement that binds a civilised society I would not wish the state to facilitate the fate that my basest instincts desire. It is what separates us from them. It is that which makes us morally superior. It is what will make us victorious rather than vanquished.

I can see the dilemma that Javid faced. The public need to be assured that they will be protected from these sort of people. They need to understand that we don’t shoot first and ask questions later. They need to appreciate that we believe in due process and a fair trial for even the most flagrantly guilty. But deep down his inner Daily Mail knows that really they don’t. If these two monsters were released onto the streets of Barnsley they would be torn limb from limb and their bloodied remains paraded before the television cameras. Few would give much of a damn. A great day for British Justice. That’s if you prefer the rule of the mob to the rule of law. And if you think that I exaggerate, remember the crowds surrounding the prison van containing the two unspeakable children who murdered James Bulger. In your heart of hearts you know what would have happened if by some accident the van doors had swung open and those kids had fallen into the street.

I remember in the 1980’s the regular parliamentary debates on the death penalty. I won’t say hanging because some politicians helpfully put forward an interesting array of means of execution. One Tory backbencher, Peter Bruinvels, now a member of the Church of England Synod, was kind enough to offer his services as an executioner. These debates were depressing and unedifying spectacles. If we had a return to these grisly events under a Rees Mogg government I would expect to see Nadine Dorris doing her knitting whilst damp gussetly listening to a pro hanging speech by Boris. He would, of course, in his agony for the truth, written two different articles for the Telegraph.

Well, we abolished the death penalty in the early 1960s and the only thing that stops us re introducing it is the Human Rights Act, which Mr. Raab is very keen for us to repeal. Something to look forward to.

I am not going to argue the merit or otherwise of the death penalty, save to say that I have always voted against it despite my grand father being murdered when I was a child. Nobody is suggesting that Javid wants to restore it, although Priti Patel, that beacon of compassion, is very much in favour. The argument is whether he should have allowed the two Jihadis to be tried in an American court where the death penalty is available despite the conventions that we would only extradite if we had an assurance that there was not a chance of execution on conviction. It was an extraordinary and rather stupid decision because it actually puts British citizens at risk. The Jihadis relish martyrdom and they would be canonised by their followers. It would be portrayed as a heroes death and would be a recruiting sergeant for the terrorists. Martyrdom was always the most effective argument against the death penalty in the 80s because it would be a gift for PIRA.

Does anybody think these decisions through? Does anybody appreciate that the worst fate that we can offer these men is a lifetime in an Alabama jail? Answers on a postage stamp please.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

The chief whip is in the last chance saloon, time has been called and it’s drinking up time

22 Jul 2018 at 08:57

Apart from the space between Boris Johnson and a television crew, the unsafest place to be Westminster is the government’s whips Office in a crisis. Which is most of the time.

It is the job of the whips to bring the government’s business home. Nothing more and nothing less. They are not relationship counsellors, nor for that matter are they Stone Age thugs clubbing the weak into submission. By and large they are a decent bunch trying to do a very difficult job. Most MPs are fairly compliant on the basis that as they won on a manifesto they are duty bound to vote for it. But the biggest hold that the whips have over their little charges is mystery and myth. For the Office to work effectively the chief has to be the Prime Minister’s Beria with a vast intelligence network covering every government department, every committee and every grouping. The best whips are like sponges. They soak up everything. If there is a group in a bar, tea room or dining room the good whip will sit down, chat, listen and report back. There is always a whip on duty in the chamber. He sits opposite the senior clerk. He is armed with a folder writing everything down. Every nuance, every barb, every lickspittling creepery. They also have a panic button if things go horribly wrong. It is on the side of the table.

So their most effective weapon is having a pretty good idea of the party mindset. This is often helped by gossip, particularly by informers who want to belittle their enemies and boost their career chances.

But back to mystery and myth. They have to convince their flock that they know every grubby little secret. Of course they can’t, but nobody can be quite sure. I remember a newly appointed whip excitedly telling us what happened in the office. He was gently pulled to one side and told to never lift the veil. It is a sort of priesthood. And for it to work it has to be. That is why there is a such a camaraderie in the office.

So much of the job is routine. But in minority government, the whips don’t always have the whip hand. And when you are dealing with zealots who are unbribable, unthreatenable and who will risk anything and everything the job becomes a nightmare. But at least they are relatively predictable. People like Heidi Allen on the left of the party and Andrea Jenkyns on the right are regarded as complete nutters. They seem to regard themselves as independents floating above the party system and have no respect for their leadership, caring not a jot for the consequences of what they do or say. They revel in the fact that they are often quoted in the press and are stupid enough to think it’s because what they have said is of great moment. Poor fools. They only get their name in print because journalists love to report division. On the back benches they are treated with courtesy but are friendless.

So what happened on the night of the broken pairs? Did Julian Smith behave like a dishonourable little shit? Was it an honest mistake? We will never know. But my instincts tell me that he panicked. The vote had to go through. The pressure was enormous. He was stress tested to almost destruction and he behaved like a bloody fool. That is not an excuse because what he did was inexcusable.

Smith is very lucky that this happened just before the recess. In July, even in the calmest of times, MPs go stir crazy. A long break might just calm the other parties down. Bit they won’t forgive or forget. The whole system works on trust. If that trust breaks down government business grinds to a halt. Ministers are in lock down and will find it difficult to fly off to Brussels or anywhere else.

Smith made a terrible error of judgement and will have to throw the opposition parties some slack. He is in the last chance saloon and it’s drinking up time.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Homage to Rudyard Kipling who will be spinning in his grave

19 Jul 2018 at 11:19

Tear down the bloody statues
of those who thought in a different way.
Take joy in reducing to rubble the heroes of yesterday.

Free speech is just a weapon of those who are born to oppress
women, blacks, students and those in tribal dress.
And welcome to a new world where we the people set the scene.
But be sure to draw the curtain that shows that the people are
really me.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Will someone show some leadership. This country is in mortal peril and all the goverment does is appease the purists. Wake up and be strong.

17 Jul 2018 at 11:45

I really don’t want to write another word about Boris Johnson. I have almost said it all. But there is a question which will mark the mettle of the man. Will he have the courage to make a personal statement tomorrow? My gut instincts tell me that he won’t. Like all bullies he is at heart a coward. His resignation was so calculated and so cynical that he is despised on both sides of the House. Without the trappings of office he will be a much diminished figure. Can he take the jeering, the cat calls the humiliation? And that’s just from his own side.

I have seen the great and the good destroyed when they don’t have the armour of the despatch box. I served in one parliament with Roy Jenkins. He was a towering figure, a Bletchley code breaker, a humane Home Secretary, a masterful Chancellor, a powerful president of the European Commission. And he was the leading member of the Gang of Four which really broke the mould of British politics. Out of nowhere the SDP were only 462,144 votes behind Labour in the 1983 election. It was a stupendous result and Jenkins had won a by election in the unlikely constituency of Glasgow Hillhead. He should have bestrode the chamber like a Colossus. Instead he became a figure of fun. He was humiliated, jeered at and became a broken figure. It was tragic to see this great, humane and rather proud man treated like dirt. And totally destroyed. Eventually he lost his seat to George Galloway in 1987.

Why? Because the Labour Party never forgave him for leading a desertion of their MPs to the SDP. It is instructive to remember precisely why. With the election of the saintly Michael Foot Labour had drifted to the left. And moderate MPs had the courage to set up a new party. But Michael Foot would look like a right winger compared to Corbyn and his gangsters.

If only Labour moderates today had the courage of Roy Jenkins, David Owen, Bill Rogers and Shirley Williams. They are a gutless rabble and deserve to be deselected. This is the modern tragedy of Labour.

There are two rules in politics which never fail. Firstly the public are reluctant to vote for a divided party. The Conservatives learned this lesson in 1997. The Bill Cash brigade infected with the theology of Brexit wanted to throw moderation to the wind and cast their party into the wilderness for a generation. They elected two ideologically pure leaders who could never win a general election. IDS and Howard. It was Theresa May as party chairman who warned that we had become the nasty party. It took David Cameron to detoxify the brand.

John Major had to put up with a lot. But it is nothing compared to the vile abuse that May has to put up with on a daily basis. The Chequers proposal was the beginning of something sensible. There has to be a compromise in politics as there is in trade deals. What astounds me is that If May had the courage to face down her Cabinet why can’t she face down the Mogg brigade? Not all the members of ERG are cultists. Many, like David Davies, want to exit the EU with as little damage to the economy as possible. It is common sense to have a Customs arrangement of some sort and a common rule book (as we would have to have in any trade deal) as long as Parliament call the shots. It is common sense to take account of decisions of the ECJ provided our courts call the shots. None of this is brain surgery.

The trouble is that moderate MPs are terrified of their associations and electors. And it’s their own fault. If they persist in spouting this nonsensical mantra that we must be bold, business is wrong, we need more belief in ourselves and little old Blighty will always muddle though, it’s not surprising that anything other than a clean break is regarded as a betrayal. Why don’t MPs just tell the public the truth? Silly me.

Only Michael Gove has bothered to spell out the importance of Chequers. Where is everybody else? I’ll tell you. They are spineless wimps hiding in their bunkers and praying for someone else to do the heavy lifting.

So what options do we have? A General Election? On what policy would we stand? Madness and it would let those committed Marxists and Brexiteers Corbyn and McDonnell in. They would declare a state of emergency and it would probably be the last free election we would ever have.

A referendum? But on earth would be on the ballot paper? And it would be dirtier and more dishonest than the last one.

A new moderate party drawn from Labour and Tory moderates? Sadly, nobody has the courage to put their heads above the parapets.

But the purists are spooked. They are beginning to realise that their dream is turning into a nightmare and are screaming betrayal. It’s all the fault of the elite. Business, bankers and anybody who is not a true believer. They are cornered, dangerous, seriously deranged and will stop at nothing to achieve a no deal crash out.

Could someone somewhere show some leadership? Some balls. Something. Anything. Our country is in mortal danger and we just stand like frightened rabbits in the headlights of the oncoming juggernaut. Hoping that something will turn up. It won’t.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Poor Boris must be a very lonely man, the Archie Rice of politics, going through his routine dead behind the eyes and despising his audience.

12 Jul 2018 at 08:02

In many ways I feel desperately sorry for Boris Johnson. He may be a vile, vainglorious, selfish steaming pile of horseshit with the principles and morality of a Kremlin hitman, but deep down he must be achingly lonely. Behind the melting mask of Bon moted bonhomie he is friendless.

Oh, there are the hangers on. Those who want to bask in his reflected glory. And those who want to grip his tawdry coat tails for a white knuckled ride to glory. But who trusts him? Who respects him? And who loves him? Who can he ring in the black dog hours of the night to pour out what is left of his soul that is not in hock? I doubt if there is anyone. No man is an island but Boris gets pretty close to it.

He must know that he will never hold high office again. That his leadership dreams are dashed and that the best that he can hope for is for the Daily Telegraph to give him well paid vanity publishing rights. And spew unconscionable bile and poison against Mrs May. For any newspaper to accuse the Prime Minister of being a traitor when she is just doing her best to hold the crumbling fabric of her party and country together is obscene. If the Barclay brothers had an ounce of decency they would throw Chris Evans to the wolves. He makes Paul Dacre look like a shy and retiring Church of England curate.

But back to Boris. What will happen when the laughter stops? When the adulation fades away? When he finally realises that whatever laughter that is left is at him? Already, he is transforming into the Archie Rice of politics going through the motions of his routine, despising his audience and dead behind the eyes. Or will he just turn into the Rector of Stiffkey? A broken man so desperate for public attention that he locked himself in the lions cage until the lion turned on him and mauled him to death. His sad but poignant dying words were, “will I make the last edition?’

David Davis will. He at least behaved with honour, dignity and principle. And Boris? If he does it will be as the man who sacrificed both the Conservative party and the country on the altar of his ambition. In the meantime let him burn in the hellfires of tedium in Uxbridge.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

May achieved what Thatcher was famous for but never achieved, the outmanoeuvring of her Cabinet which would make Machiavelli blush. She owes Gove a lot

8 Jul 2018 at 09:44

I have never been a May enthusiast. I have always been of the view that she is hefted to avoid making decisions. That her instinct is to throw every tricky one into the long grass. Yesterday I was proved wrong.

Very often the threats that are leaked from Number 10 are nothing more than wind and piss which are eventually flushed away through the sewers of the Mail and the Telegraph. Yesterday I was proved wrong again.

It is not beyond belief that yesterday’s rout of psycho Brexit was the culmination of a long term plan. After all this month heralds the first blue moon in many years and a distinct possibility that England could win the World Cup. But that seems ungracious. The truth of the matter is that this rather awkward vicar’s daughter did something that Margaret Thatcher was always famous for but never really achieved. She routed her enemies in cabinet. She out manoeuvred them with a skill that would make Machiavelli blush. It was the man in the pub approach. ‘The only way you can get politicians to agree to anything is to lock ‘em in a room, take way their phones and threaten to take away their fancy jobs’. This was not just a sentiment, but the brutal reality. The Big Beasts, with their macho posturing, their empty threats and their pitiful attempts at bullying have been publicly humiliated. As Orwell might have said, he who controls the news controls the present. And he who controls the present controls the past. For the moment. At the moment the public are enjoying the sunshine and the football. They don’t give a damn about what Boris, Leadsom and the increasingly ghastly McVey claim to have said. They signed up. They backed down. They blinked first.

Of course they are entitled to leak their versions of events. The heroic words. The fighting talk. The Boris bon mots. They can just about get away with it. Briefly. But anything more will lead to their dismissal. This is not a threat but a welcome return to reality. Collective responsibility is coming home.

It would be foolish to underestimate the importance of the political rehabilitation of Michael Gove. His forensic analysis was the catalyst for unity. I have said this many times, but he is one of the few ministers in my memory who actually improves every department that he has run. He may be quirky but he masters his briefs and then thinks about them. This is sadly a rarity in modern politics. Ministers tend to be spoon fed by their Spads.

Gove has sensibly come to a pragmatic analysis. We are where we are. It is not a place where we wanted to be but let’s make the best of it. Although I am a fervent Remainer it is my analysis too. Gove can unite the likes of me and moderate Brexiteers. For those on the extreme ends of both arguments the game is up. It’s time for the grown ups to take back control.

Madame underestimates the pivotal role of Gove to get a respectable deal with Brussels at her peril. She must put behind her the old animosities as he must abandon Cummings and his kind. They must work together. Closely.

I give Boris a week, maybe two, to step over the mark and book his Uber ride from Downing Street. Micheal Gove would be an ideal replacement. He has averted catastrophe and deserves to be rewarded.

And what of Mogg and his ERG acolytes? They will huff and they will puff but they will not blow the house down. Their threats of leadership elections are just that. We have been there before. And Graham Brady will knock sense and grim reality into back benchers. Three words should do the trick. Corbyn and McDonnell.

Tomorrow will be a crunch day. Madame’s address to the 22 must be carefully orchestrated. Leading lights of both camps must publicly support her. I would be amazed if they didn’t. If Gove and Greg Clark can write a joint article there is more than hope.

Personally I still think leaving the EU is a terrible mistake. But I can’t turn back time nor indulge in the fantasy that the referendum decision can be reversed. We are where we are so let’s make the best of it.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

A government paralsed by Europsychosis, an alt left opposition who wants to fuck capitalism and Trump who wants to fuck NATO. What could go wrong?

30 Jun 2018 at 09:35

The world order as I have always known it is dead. It’s rotting carcass is being ripped apart by the hyenas of Trump, Putin and Xi, whilst an emerging swarm of European populism circles like vultures to pick over whatever is left.

I was born in 1953. The Korean War had ended. Germany and the rest of war torn Europe was being rebuilt. Spain and Portugal were dictatorships. Greece a poverty stricken mess. France was in psycho analysis over war time betrayals and collaboration with the Nazis. China was a mystery and the brute Shadow of the Soviet Union terrified us. The tangible fear of nuclear war hung over my childhood. I can still remember the monochrome public information ads grimly warning us that with some old newspapers and a kitchen table we could survive the conflagration. It was a celluloid lie.

But there was always hope. Warring Europe became jawing Europe. Good and decent men and women were coming together to pool resources and ambitions to try and ensure that the continent never sent their sons to slaughter again. The United Nations was beginning to mean something. And we had the protective umbrella of NATO. Harold MacMillan ruled over us with a benign paternalism. He was my hero. This was the age of idealism.

When I was elected to Parliament in 1983 most of the old boys had fought in the war. Their collective memories were fascinating and instructive. The horrors that they had witnessed tempered their views from gung ho ideologues into a gentle pragmatism.

I am not looking back to those days through roses tinted spectacles. There was a hell of a lot wrong. But there was a naive belief that the great institutions were there to protect us. They are now being torn down.

But what have we now? The continent of Europe is sleepwalking back to its old ways. The Commission is totally out of touch with reality and there is a very real threat that nationalism coupled with a genuine fear of immigration will bring the whole edifice down. This will cheer clowns like Mogg, Boris and the whole ghastly bunch of Europsychotics who want to push Madame and the country into economic and political oblivion. And unless these people are faced down and shown the door it will happen.

But there is no leadership. Madame is not even fiddling while the country is on the brink of burning. Just trapped in the headlights of the extremists. Paralysed with fear that she could be toppled. But let’s get real. Who is her biggest rival for the leadership? Boris is unelectable since his ‘fuck business’ jibe. It was a bit like the Pope saying ‘fuck Christianity’ or a Mogg saying ‘Fuck nanny’. It was a mortal blasphemy. And who else has a serious chance of winning? Mogg? Ridiculous. Leadsom? Insane. All we have left are people who are just not ready. Javid, Hunt and spider boy.

The first thing she must do is restore collective responsibility. Hah. Some chance. When someone as spineless as Liz Truss, who didn’t lift a finger to protect the ‘enemies of the people’ judges thinks she can get away with taking the piss out of Michael Gove then the whole rationale of government is dead.

Will May have the courage, the tenacity, the sheer bloody bollocks to tell the cabinet before the recess how they will approach Brexit and risk resignations? I would like to think so. Most sentient people who care about their country would like to think so. But on past experience it looks like submarine May will sink to the depths dragging the country down with her.

And when it all goes horribly wrong and big business flees the country, the fanatics will scream that it was all the fault of the enemies of the people, the civil service, the Bank of England, the CBI and the Remainers. While the rest of us will weep for the times when we had a kinder and gentler Britain.

So we have a hopeless government infected by a deadly form of Europsychosis, a terrifyingly alt left Opposition who really do want to fuck business and a President of the United States who wants to fuck everything from Stormy Daniels to NATO.

So what would Danny Dyer say? Actually I really don’t give a flying fuck. The man gives half wits a bad name.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Prime Ministerial candidates are like buses. You wait and wait and then two appear at once. Time to buy shares in Javid and Hunt

18 Jun 2018 at 08:05

It’s hard to imagine that it is less than a week since President Trump had his historic meeting with Kim Yong Un the bloodied dictator of North Korea. Nobody believed for more than one moment that this was going to be anything other than a glorified photo opportunity.

Both these men are predictably unpredictable. They shoot from the lip.

They threaten, charm, flatter with mood and policy changes as forecastable as the weather at a British seaside resort.

Yet somehow there was a chemistry. Whether is was out of Trump’s desire for his footnote in history or Kim’s not to be strung from a lamp post or dragged in chains to the war crimes court in The Hague, we will never know.

But we have the beginnings of a deal on denuclearisation of the Peninsular. So lets be at least cautiously optimistic. Best give it a chance before condemning it out of hand just because we find both leaders less than attractive. Oh, and in case you are wondering why denuclearisation will take place by 2021 let me enlighten you. It’s when the Presidential election is. So delightfully cynical.

The next day it was business as usual back home in Britain. The government was in crisis over Brexit and in particular the House of Lords amendments concerning remaining in the EEA and giving Parliament a meaningful say in the final deal if we ever get that far.

And if we don’t get that far, for Parliament to take over.

Needless to say that the government’s response give headless chickens a bad name.

The Brexiteers bit the carpet more than usual. And the Remainers threatened to defeat the government.

The usual threats from the Whips followed. This would lead to a general election and the wicked Corbyn and his Stalinist henchmen would occupy No 10 and every first born Tory baby boy would be put to the sword.

Then a fellow called Philip Lee, not even a household name in his own household, resigned on a matter of principle from an opaque ministerial job which allowed him to share a medium sized family saloon once a month with one of the door staff at the Ministry of Justice. Oh, and he could keep his sandwiches in a shiny red box.

So that big red button emblazoned with the legend Something Must Be done was pressed. Klaxons, sirens blared and flashing lights lit up the room as civil servants rushed in chanting,’something must be done’.
And it was. Grieve, Soubry and a scoundrel of Remainers cut a deal with May. A new fluffy bunny, rainbow coated, amendment would be put before the lords provided they didn’t vote with the government.

The Brexiteers thought they had been betrayed and threw their toys out of the pram with the usual screams shouts and threats of beheading the PM and replacing her with General Pinochet, Imelda Marcus or whatever right wing nut case who is neither dead or in an asylum.

This clearly touched a raw nerve in No 10 as you could smell the burning rubber as they did a U turn and went back on their deal with the remainers.

The government won the vote but at a considerable price. They were always despised by the Brexiteers for not having their hearts in the project and now are mistrusted by the Remainers. A lethal combination.

And the whole mess comes back to the Lords for another vote. Nobody has a clue what will happen. Today some are threatening the Lords with abolition.

Nobody having a clue seems to be the hallmark of both the government and the opposition.

However, on Saturday there was an exception. Sajid Javid, our new Home Secretary, did something sensible. He granted Billy Caldwell, the the poor little boy who will die of convulsions unless he receives his illegal cannabis oil medication which was confiscated by the Home Office, an emergency licence to be treated by it. And the day before that he lifted the insane immigrant cap on foreign doctors wanting to fill the massive in the NHS.

It’s good to see somebody doing something right.

We may be seeing the first sightings of someone who might just be up to the job. Of Prime Minister.

But then suddenly Jeremy Hunt appears victorious from a battle with the Treasury. Soon the NHS will be awash with cash and our problems will be solved. I have never met Hunt but he does seem a genuinely pleasant man with a safe pair of hands. In every sense.

He has the sense to realise that this is merely a quick fix and won’t solve the underlying problems. But it is a get out of jail card. And he has been shrewd enough to go along with the utterly bonkers line that somehow this is a Brexit dividend and vindicates the the metal lie that was the Boris bus. It shows he has a sense of humour.

Probably more impressive is that he understands the real problems with the NHS. The Lansley legacy, which he is steadily unpicking and bed blocking due to a crumbling care system. The idea of recovery villages is a good one. In the old days we used to call it convalescence.

Isn’t it strange? Potential prime ministers are like buses. You wait and wait then suddenly two come along at once.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Treacherous Remainer Grieve duped by May over dick

15 Jun 2018 at 11:34

As our government is a shambles, the Opposition a Stalinist theme park and the Lib Dems as relevant as flairs and vaginal deodorant, I thought I would pen a few words about an outrage that has shocked the nation to its core; the House of Commons has banned dick. And of the spotted variety.

I thought at first that this was an NHS campaign to improve the sexual health of our tribunes. But no. ‘See it, say it, sorted’ is quite different. But Dick will be allowed in the chamber, in the committee rooms and perhaps in Madame’s private room behind the Speaker’s chair. If you ask nicely. But not in the restaurants. Spotted Dick, the fare of Merry Engerlund, the staple diet of the tribe who worship Gammon has been humiliated. As Nigel Farage might have said, ‘without Dicks what would happen to UKIP?’

I suspect that this is nothing more than a Remainer plot. Those traitors, mutineers, saboteurs and grumbling malcontents, Clarke, Soubrey, Grieve and their treacherous running dogs who spit in the eyes of democracy have been spotted in a Commons dining room; eating. The bastards. This is clear evidence of a conspiracy to destroy one of our greatest British dishes and hand it over to Brussels. They even did a deal with May. That in return for their support for the Maidenhead by pass, this great culinary masterpiece would be called Spotted Ricard. But behind their backs this sneaky woman was hijacked by Mogg who demanded that the dish be renamed in honour of the head of his youth movement, Richard, who is laid up in the Priory with a bad case of acne. There will be trouble before lunch time next week.

This has split the Conservative party. Knight of the Shires, Sir Bedlam Broadmoor, is outraged. ‘Not enough of our new backbenchers went to a decent public school. They would have had Dick drummed into them morning noon and night. This is what the country needs.’ But on the progressive wing, Gary Wet-Blanket, chair of the No Turning Your Back Group, commented that the gender of puddings should no longer be binary. ‘We could go straight down the middle here and could compromise for Spotted Rich’. Sadly at the mention of the word Rich, Diane Abbott was taken into a place of safety. Sir Vince Cable, who was guest speaker at a Father Ted fund raising evening, commented, ‘Feck, drink, tits, bum’. His rating in the polls sky rocketted to minus 45.

Banning the name Spotted Dick, is of course quite bonkers. Take a trawl through the internet and see what Johnny Foreigner calls the stuff that is put on his table.

There is a drink which I will give a miss, called Pee Cola. A Macvitie’s biscuit called Finger Marie and French chocolate delightfully named Crap. And then there is a can of pop that should be in Boris Johnson’s cocktail cabinet. It’s an energy drink called Pussy. And it’s manufacturer? Why Erektus, of course. You would probably need a savoury to go with it. Tangy Tit Bits would be the perfect accompaniment.
And don’t let’s forget that Australian Ice Cream, Golden Gaytime, with its marketing slogan, ‘it’s hard to have a gaytime on your own.’ I’m told that it goes down rather well.

If you like pork flavoured rice porridge why not try Pork Me? Which could be served with Cemen Dip. There is a soup mix called Cock and drinks called Fart and Only Puke. But there is a raspberry jam that I will give a miss. It’s called Tastes Like Grandma. Oh, dear.



Sign up via Facebook or Twitter to comment.