The horror movie IT now has a sequel. It stars Boris as the evil clown. It's called SHIT

16 Sep 2017 at 10:12

Last week I went to the cinema and watched one of the scariest horror movies that I have ever seen. Every few years a clown would terrorise a small town. At first he appears to be cuddly and charming, making promises that everyone wants to hear. But as the story continues we realise that he is an evil entity who will say anything and do anything to lure you into his terrifying lair. Worse, his very existence, his very survival depends on feeding on people’s worst fears. The film is called IT.

This morning I noticed that a sequel has been released by Daily Telegraph productions. It stars Boris as the evil clown. The film is called SHIT.

This dreadful little man will say anything, do anything, promise anything and manipulate our hopes and terrors to seize the keys to Number 10. He feeds on our fears of foreigners. Fear is his life blood, without it he would wither and die.

Poor old Bozo has been out of sorts of late. His creatures have been putting it about that he is frustrated in his role as Foreign Secretary. That he may be centre stage but is only allowed to say the line, ‘dinner is being served.’ There has been talk of him being on the brink of resignation. Worse, he is no longer the darling of the party faithful. They are in love with Ruth Davidson.

If anyone has the stomach to read his thoroughly dishonest Ten Point Plan in the Telegraph this morning you will find the comments by Charles Moore and Tim Stanley the perfect emetic. They guarantee an unpleasant fit of vomiting. Good God Charles and Tim. You are good guys. Intelligent guys. You have respect. Surely you don’t believe this half baked crap?

Well, it appears they do. Moore, ‘is it time to place our future in Boris’s hands and prepare for new leadership.’ Stanley, ‘Boris has laid out an exciting, liberal future for Britain. He must challenge May.’ Or perhaps they are under pressure to write this mindless and dangerous drivel from their paymasters. Look at the Telegraph comment, ‘at last a positive and bold vision for Brexit’.

This isn’t a toe in the water for a leadership battle. He has seriously undermined Davis and Fox. He has re ratted on his downright lie that the NHS will get £350 million a week from Brexit. This is an all out war against May and her government. And there is no going back. He has to resign and challenge her or just resign. His position is disloyal, dishonest and detestable. It will throw the party into meltdown just before the conference. Whatever he does now he will never been forgiven for this. The assassin rarely wins the crown.

And spare us from all from the faux loyalty. These are the first stages of a coup. He has the backing of the Telegraph. This is serious. And planned. There was even a Matt cartoon. It may not have been too helpful. It involved Boris being compared to Kim Wrong ‘Un. Mmm. Two tubby, ruthless crazy guys with bad hair. This might stick.

Well let’s see how he tries to smarm his way out of this one. He either resigns and challenges or just resigns. Number 10 must be robust. Madame should sack him. Let’s see what he is made of. But I think that we know. Flies buzz round it.

So Bozo take your Circus off of May’s lawn and fuck off out of town. Though there is something you can look forward to. There will always be a special place in George Osborne’s freezer just for you.