It's time the Ice Queen and her Court started Chillaxing. Charm rather than vitriol is the most effective weapon in politics

11 Dec 2016 at 09:32

David Cameron’s reign at Downing Street is not without criticism. But it was a hell of a lot laid back than that maelstrom of chippy suspicions and bitter recriminations that swirl around the court of the Ice Queen. It really is time that she and her team did a little chillaxing. Cameron was chairman of the board and very comfortable in his own skin. Perhaps a little too cool for some of the Tory Bellendery whom felt slighted, belittled and ignored because they didn’t go to Eton or live in Notting Hill. For some it was just one big inferiority complex fest and for many of them it was well deserved. Why can’t May stop fretting over the the disloyalties, the veiled rebukes and the rough and tumble of nastiness which is the meat and drink of political life? You’re Prime Minister, old thing. All the cabinet want your job. The right wing press hate you (don’t worry, they hate everyone). Every minister you have sacked is plotting revenge as are those that you have never appointed. The Amish wing want their loony demands yesterday and now the New Bastards are going to give you hell. So smile. Rise above it. Be charming. Embrace your enemies, but with a gun under the pillow. And don’t let them know that they are really pissing you off. They are like children. They wind you up for the reaction.

The Nicky Morgan eruption was laughable. A gentle rebuke to the PM that if you are giving an interview to a newspaper about the JAMS it’s not a brilliant idea to wear an outfit that is as financially out of their reach as a Ferrari. So ultra loyal Fiona whizzes off a bad tempered and childish text not to Morgan but the kind and gentle Alastair Burt. Now, this will surprise you. It was splashed all over the newspapers!

Bozo was slightly different. He is so off piste that he is up to his moobs in powder snow. What he said about the Saudis is of course true. But if you are Foreign Secretary you are mad if you say it publicly. May had to issue a rebuke as she had just returned from the Middle East and Boris was on his way. After his ‘who needs friends when you have Yemenis’ quip. He’ll probably goose the King’s favourite wife and make a opening gambit of ’it’s a Shia pleasure to meet you all.’ If only he had the deftness of touch of George Brown.

And now we have the New Bastards. Rather than scream at them and threaten with Gavin Williamson (oh, pleeeeeese. He at least realises that charm is the best weapon). They are going to be a real problem. So what does Downing Street do? Belittle them of course. Hopeless. Amateur ville.

Come on Theresa just lighten up. And call of your Dogs of Bore. If you think that this year was bad 2017 is going to be a nightmare.